There’s been a lotta talk about this 47% business this week. Who is this mysterious 47% and why don’t they pay any income taxes? Everyone from Politico to CNN, to the Atlantic has been trying to crack the code. Blogs have been written. Tweets retweeted. Pundits have been breaking out into cold sweats trying to string together infographics and pie charts. Yet everyone is still scratching their head over the mysterious 47%ers. Luckily we’ve done the legwork for you and have discovered exactly who makes up the 47%. The results may shock you.
This may come as a surprise but Cats do not pay income taxes. Many Americans consider them members of the family (some consider them much, much more) but these tricky felines contribute little outside of sleeping, sitting on your laptop while you’re on the internet (looking at cat gifs), and catching the occasional mouse. When reached for comment Cats would only say “Meow” which it’s fair to say probably means “War between our species is inevitable.”
+ Clint Eastwood’s Chair
Despite a high profile performance and numerous endorsement deals, Clint Eastwood’s Chair is part of the 47% that does not pay income taxes. We in no way wish to belittle the hard work that Chairs worldwide put in day in and day out. Supporting up to 10x their weight while being subjected to people’s butts for up to 8 hours at a time is a thankless job…but nonetheless it’s a taxable one.
+ Rotating Lana Del Rey
Considering her condition, it isn’t surprising that Rotating Lana Del Rey does not pay income taxes and we must admit, her contribution to society could be considered payment enough. In such uncertain times there is some comfort in knowing that just as the sun rises and sets, Rotating Lana Del Rey rotates.
+ Gangnam Style
Psy’s mega-hit Gangnam Style has become an international sensation and even has Britney scrambling to learn the iconic Horse Dance Psy masterfully crafted in his video. Almost 200 million youtube views and countless memes later, Psy finds himself in the noman’s land 47%. The fact that he’s from South Korea is besides the point. What gives Psy?
Sure they lived 245 million years ago, but every contribution counts. Besides, with all of their Hollywood fame and millions of people paying money to visit them all the time you’d think they’d be able to do something other than eat each other. Too big to fail? The asteroid didn’t think so.
Ok so maybe none of this is true. There has been a lot of noise around this issue recently but check out CNN for the real deal on the 47%.
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